Catalina Wine Fest

Goodday Readers,

Lots to discuss in this Tuesday edition of RorF.
First off we might be on the road to being super famous…but probably not. S/TP and I had our first experience with being the interviewees as opposed to journalists yesterday. It started when we got an email from some lady at myahamoment.com.



She was all like “you guys are funny, come down and get interviewed in our weird mobile trailer” and we were all like “ok”. Now you might be wondering what myahamoment.com has to do with us, bike riding wing bloggers, and it turns out…absolutely nothing. However, it was hilarious to be in a tvish studio though, complete with lights, camera, and making us repeat this tag line like 15 times because we kept goofing it up. It made us feel like regular old Lindsay Lohans. We also got to keep one of those take one, action, snapping things. And we are super into free stuff, regardless of how worthless it is.



We said lots of weirdo things like our heroes are a combination of the great feminist besties Oprah Winfrey and her trusty sidekick Gale King, and explorers Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.

Note: if my name was Meriwether I probably would have taken off across the country on some numbskull camping trip as well

Things we went on an on camera rant about:

1. We are feminists because wing eating is usually reserved for males and we are trying to shatter the poultry ceiling
2. The oil spill has been great for chicken consumption in the Gulf Region so really we should look on the bright side

Needless to say she probably thought we should be committed and was like “Ok, great that’s all we need”

But all of this falls into our new credo which is: We will do ANYTHING for publicity, and we will be getting a copy of the edited professional interview video that we will be sharing with all of you….in four to six weeks…. So look for that.

On to our next publicity stunt/community awareness event: the grand opening of Buffalo Wild Wings on Merle Hay. This was funny because people were camping out overnight to be the first ones inside and be the winners of 6 free wings a week for a year.

We were super intrigued by this because we figured you would have to be a real wing enthusiast to camp out overnight for free wings. As we mentioned we are super into free stuff, however, no amount of wings could really justify us sleeping in a parking lot, so for us on Sunday it was a no.

BUT…we did want to see what kind of people this sort of absurd existence would appeal to. So we put on our official uniforms and headed out to meet the people.

We get there about 7pm on Sunday and some guy was like, “are you guys here to camp?” and we were like “no fucking way”

If we had been we would have been numbers 90 and 91, but we weren’t; we were there to do work. So we interviewed numbers 1-15. They were high school boys from Urbandale



They were trying to hit on S/TP and get her to spend the night in their tent. She probably would have until she saw that one of them brought along this light wing camping read



And we decided anyone out of their mind enough to camp in a parking lot and read about revolutionary Che Guevara is not to be trusted.

The guys said they were going to use the wing coupons (you get a booklet of 52 6 free wing coupons) for UFC fights and the Super bowl…which was all a little too typical for us. We also saw this guy camping for wings



But we didn’t talk to him. We also noticed someone is selling their hard earned wing booklet on Criagslist…which is sort of funny. So anyways that is the story. It was a tent city, just like in the major Broadway musical Rent.



In case you didn’t notice this entry really isn’t about riding bikes and eating wings, it is more about where our biking and wing munching has taken us professionally. So if that is not something you are interested in…..sorry…..but if it makes you feel any better we did actually bike ride to Buffalo Wild Wings last night (Monday) and will be writing up our usual biking/munching log tomorrow. And also if our blog really affects your feelings you should probably get some professional help, or like talk to someone.

But for the record, this is our blog, and we pay the bills, so as usual if you want to hate…fuck off… and not to mention at any time we could totally change the subject of this blog to like The Miley Cyrus Blog ha just kidding, first we would never do that because Miley Cyrus is a clown and secondly we actually sort of love our readers because they seem to be really funny and into fun, just like us. Thanks for reading, see you all tomorrow.

And when I say “see” I actually mean read the entry tomorrow because I have no idea who you are and I can’t see you.

LATER.

The Big Event

Whatup Readers,



Hilarious Chicken Lady eating a Chicken Wing

So as many of you know last weekend was the Mecca of Des Moines wing eating. We here at RofF have been gearing up for this event all summer and when we awoke to a beautiful sunny Saturday we were just pleased as punch….
Despite the bourbon soaked apple induced hangover I was battling (Thanks Goodsons) we knew this was not a day to be a whiny bunch of crybabies. It was a day to be filled with joy. As we previously mentioned we have been half assed trying to get some shirts made, and due to previously mentioned hangover we did not get this accomplished before 5pm…but because we here at RorF are innovators we stepped up our publicity game and wrote on some White Ts with Markers. The shirts were a hit


And we were passing them out to anyone who was willing to wear them. However, not everyone was as keen on promoting us. A few people who refused to wear them

1. Teen Punk Band Modern Day Satire
Excuse: “Wearing that shirt is a corporate sell out”
What the fuck these goons were talking about we have no idea. We are not a corporation. We are non profit grassroots bloggers. Idiot. After listening to the screaming and drum pounding we were glad they were in no way affiliated with our nonexistent corporation

2. Chuck Norris Look Alike
Excuse: “It is too hot to wear sleeves”
Response from our friend Red Planet: “Sir, I am wearing a Jean Jacket and am not hot at all”
Norris Response: “Well if you have an extra large my wife might wear it”



But homeboy saw no problem with wearing a Chicken Hat

People these days...I swear…However, some true fans out there did rock our white Ts and Thanks for that…especially number one fan Chris, Wing Eating Contest Particpant “HORNDOG”, Gossip C, and NaumBomb. And thanks to our friends at Metromix for the free promotional photos…

We also made S/TP participate in the wing eating contest…she sucked…and ate like 3 wings at a leisurely pace while everyone else was straight up caveman style munching. See Norris Below being the perfect example...



Really we just wanted to make sure you all got a good look at Norris

The only female representative…



Now for the wings…

Our homies at Geris brought their own fryer...and were one of the only people to be handing out Ranch dressing, which we regard as a very intregal part of wing munching. The wings were good but not as high of quality as they are when you get them at the original location…which we can’t really hold against them because it is probably hard to make wings in a grass field..but like how the hell are we supposed to know.

Jethros brought a few new flavors to the table, which was appreciated. They also offered the widest variety of saucing options, and they were super meaty and smoked.

Claxtons….TERRIBLE!!! not only were the wings super slimy



but these jokers didn’t even send a representative to the event.

Bostons…We liked the customer service here, and the people working the booth were very enthusiastic...however, not very tasty wings. Once again we think this was sort of hard to judge because these wings were clearly made in a large batch and perhaps just didn’t travel well. We would consider giving them another chance.

One lady was sort of cocky and said “Our Asian Zing is the talk of the town” Which I have no idea what town is talking about Boston’s Asian Zing Wings, but it sure as shit isn’t Des Moines.

Johnny’s, breaded wings...sort of spicy...I personally liked them but they did get some mixed reviews from others, and some of them looked like meatballs…which was weird.



El Bait also breaded…not really much to write home about, we feel about the same for these as we did when we had them at the actual shop.

Buffalo Wild Wings…satisfactory, we do hate on them a little for being a chain, but in reality that isn’t exactly their fault, and the lady that was working there told us some super secret insider information about the new BWW opening on Merle Hay…we can’t tell it to you yet, but look for it in about two weeks. They also had lots of swag like hats and shit which I guess goes along with the territory of being a national chain.



So all in all it was a great success and a totally fun event. It was also great to meet some readers in person.

Oh and due to the fact that we are now sort of blowing up our Mom finally read the blog, and her review of our reviewing skill is as follows

“Well its fine, but I would like to see more pictures and less F words…and put up that picture of Snacks in the chicken hat, people will like that, lots of people love dogs”



So we did…here is our dog, Snacks, wearing a Chicken Hat.

Peace and Chicken Grease Ya’ll…See ya later in the week with our new update…

Wing Ding Amuse Bouche

In the Wise words of Fergie we have to make it work, work, make it work, but later on it that same song she claims she can get you drunk off of lady lumps so she is obviously a dumbshit idiot.

But the point is we are really doing work today in anticipation of Saturday’s Wing Ding and we thought it only proper to give everyone a little preview of the Wing Ding. I mean a real preview, not the watered down Joe Lawler Des Moines Register version of a preview, but the kind of preview where after you read it you are like, “oh now I don’t even have to go because basically I have already experienced it before it even happened” kind of preview, ya dig?
As the great Michael Jackson said, “Please pass the Oxycodone” wait …I mean This is it

So the Wing Ding is one of Des Moines’ premier events (in our opinion.) The previously referenced quasi excuse for a newspaper (QEFN) ha that looks like the word queef….went so far as to call this a “foodie event” but as some commenter pointed out QEFN seems to use the word “foodie” interchangeably with the word “people” and really this is not so much a foodie event as it is a great excuse to get drunk, listen to hippie music, and eat wings kind of event. Not exactly a typical afternoon in the life of any foodies I know i.e. Padma Lakshmi.



The Wing Ding could probably be cited as the beginning of our affair with sauced animal bones, so it holds a very special place in our hearts and we are hoping it lives up to the greatness of last year’s event. There are a few changes this year however. The first change is the venue. Last year it was at El Bait Shop (See Previous Entry) and this year it is at Mullets. We are of the understanding it is the same individuals who own both establishments, and we must mention we thoroughly enjoy Mullets (Review Coming Soon) so the venue switch it seems promising, plus Mullets has a baller upstairs patio that is going to be clutch for throwing wing bones at people..ah just kidding…kind of.

Also new this year is a dunk tank…which is a fucking hilarious apparatus so we are all for that as well. We are hoping we can get Red Planet or Teacher X drunk enough to get in it.

We have officially written up 3 of the 7 participants, so you all are aware of our feelings for them. We are excited to try the other 4, and provide all of you with an in depth analysis that only the experts here at RorF can provide.
We also sort of dropped the ball on making t-shirts, but we have some broke ass ideas in play right now that may or may not pull through so be sure to look for those.

We also wanted to use this opportunity not only to post a photo of our friend Denver G’s breasts but also to provide a warning to all of you as to what can happen if you are not careful at Saturday’s event

So be sure to watch out for that…

This is also an event for Charity, which is nice. However it doesn’t support the official cause of RorF, which is of course Sickle Cell Anemia, but a worthy cause none the less. The final thing that we think is real funny is the tag line “a Cluckin good time” which of course is supposed to be a play on “a Fuckin good time” which is what we are going to be having…can’t wait to see you all there. S/TP said she is going to bring her calligraphy set so she can sign babies and penises. Yes, she does have a calligraphy set, pathetic I know.
See you all Saturday at the...

Chester Culver and Des Moines Politcos

Readers, Readers, Readers.
Where to begin…
First of all, allow me to be the first to apologize for poor blog updating etiquette, and by poor blog updating etiquette I mean being super lazy. However, if you all have been as busy as we have then maybe you didn’t even notice. If you did, get a life. If you didn’t welcome to ours…
As a way of compensating for said laziness you are all getting not one, but two updates today…you are fucking welcome.
First is the review of El Bait Shop. Second is our first annual preview of the second annual Wing Ding. (I like the word annual)
El Bait Shop.
For safety we were going to wear motorcycle helmets…but it was too hot and we looked like douchebags…see exhibit a…and because this game is all about appearance and perception we didn’t




Exhibit A

This was an especially fitting place to review this week because it was the location of last year’s first annual Des Moines Wing Ding, (not to be confused with that dick weed motorcycle parade that happened last weekend)
This summer we have gotten more rain than them hoes so pretty much every bike trail (aka the only bike trail we know, Ashworth) is under water. So we started our ride at the top of the Ashworth trail, S/TP works at the pool…so does Teacher X…
Everyone was all like you are not going to be able to get through blah blah blah but S/TP and I were like fuck off we do what we want, whats a little water to a g, plus I took scuba diving in college.
We didn’t get through. Our socks and shoes just got totally soaked



So we had to go all the way back up to Grand. As we are pedaling along leaving a trail of disgusting smelling water we get the brilliant idea to ask if the honorable governor Chester Culver aka CHET wants to join us. We got this idea because we were riding right by his house (Terrace Hill) and we had not broken a single law yet on the ride. When we saw the no trespassing sign and the abandoned State Trooper car we knew this was the opportunity.
So we ride up to Chester’s front door. And we wait/pose.




Then out of some speakers comes
“Can I help you” and we are like “Can Chester come out and play?” and the voice is like “Please leave the property now”.” I swear politicians these days are no fun, I am sure if Bill Clinton lived at Terrace Hill he would have been like “Let me put out this cigar and grab my bike pretty ladies.”
But He doesn’t so off we went to downtown ridin’ solo.
This was the opportunity for a little trick riding on that windy black wall apparatus outside of Meredith



This was also an opportunity to almost get hit by a train while trying to flatten an Abraham Lincoln
Then we arrived



Now El Bait Shop has some awfully funny ideas for wing sauce. As many of you know, we are very touchy when it comes to weirdness. However, we are also accepting of wing sauces that are not as popular as the jock and cheerleaderesque traditional buffalo sauce. If Gerris is the Prom Court El Bait Shop is home to the Drama club and Band Members of the Wing Sauce social hierarchy.
We got Teriyaki and Mexican because we are trying to include everyone…even the weirdoes who read Japanese Anime…




These were our first foray into breaded wings. We both agreed these were more like mini versions of fried chicken. This sparked our debate on what really makes a wing, and we have come to the conclusion that real wings don’t need breading. Real wings will go out in a snowstorm without a parka. Real wings are circumcised. You get the point.

So these were pretty good, but we have decided to add a new category and that is the Fried Chicken Wannabe category. And that is where these wings have landed. Ha.
But they were still good, despite the odd sauce combinations and unnecessary padding. These wings would be sort of like if Pamela Anderson wore a wonder bra…


6 Flies
Super bike friendly, Great Patio, Bad Service. Our trifecta of greatness ambiance wise.

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