In the Arms of The Angel

We had to do two individual photos because we are our only friends following a recent obsession with blogging and “our heads getting too big”….


Well the main point of this venture is wing eating, which has been overlooked until this point. Sorry. So here goes….

First a little about our background with Gerri’s… we first discovered Gerri’s about a year ago last summer at the original Wing Ding at El Bait Shop on one of those Saturdays that starts at Prairie Meadows at 10am….

It was on this day we fell in love with Gerri’s and the idea that perhaps Des Moines really might be a contender for local wing superiority. We have been going there approximately once a month for the past year (excluding of course the occasional month where I consider going on a diet),usually on a Monday or Tuesday, when the special is 5 pounds of wings and a pitcher of Bud Light for $20, a great steal especially with Greece being rated as a junk bond….

This was a really mutually beneficial arrangement and it could very well have continued but then Ryde or Fly was born. So, being that the Gerri’s wing is what started this all it seemed especially fitting for the first trip

After arriving we stored our hogs in the front entryway



And no one seemed to mind.

So we headed to the bar and were immediately greeted by Brian. We have met Brian before but never really get to talk to him much because it is usually way busier (we went on a Wednesday for RorF.) We ordered 2 orders of wings and filled him in on our project. He was intrigued and shared a few Gerri’s secrets with us. We will share them with you

1. Only two people have the sauce recipe
2. They are the mother-daughter team that owns Gerri’s
3. Neither one of them is named Gerri, but we can’t remember the names…
4. The sauce is homemade at their home and brought to the bar so no one can even see the ingredients
5. There is a copy of the recipe locked up only to be used in the most unfortunate of circumstances.





Now for the judging…

1. Sauciness: These wings are thoroughly covered in a delicious, yet not too spicy sauce. Brian told us it is the sauce that makes these wings great, and he is right. We all agreed on our love for spicy things, yet hate it when it is just too hot to enjoy. This sauce is the perfect balance of spice and taste. They also posses that perfect wing sauce color that I have yet to see on any other food (and don’t think I would want to.)



2. Sauce Choice: Gerri’s has only one choice, the original. If you like traditional buffalo style hot wings this will be a really fulfilling choice for you. If you do not, then kindly leave this site.


3. Crispiness: Another area Gerri’s really excels in. Each batch is made individually in the fryer giving ample time for each wing to achieve a satisfactory level of crunchy skin. This is really an important element for wing enjoyability, yet does take time. If you are in a hurry this is something to consider, but, if you are wing eating you probably shouldn’t be in a hurry. Just sayin.

4. Ratio: Brian informed us each individual order comes with 10 wings, yet they are considering upping it to 12. We, however each received 11 wings, in my case 5 drums and 6 wings, in the case of S/TP 6 wings and 5 drums. Perfect balance.


5. Special Considerations: The fact that Brian talked to us for so long and told us tons of secrets was kind of cool and deserves special consideration, and the fact that we got a total of two free wings should also be noted. Also the ambiance of Gerri’s is unparalleled. The mix of little leaguers after a baseball game with a guy who was hammered drunk at 6pm was really inspiring, and one lady told S/TP that she liked her hair, which was nice. Finally, a table of two cute guys were also interested in our blog and told us they sometimes ride their bikes to a place on Merle Hay that offers free cheeseburgers, which was sort of extraordinary that other people do as weird of things as we do.

In conclusion Gerri’s has delicious wings. Nothing about our experience could have made it any better.



They are receiving 10 out of 10 Flies

As for the next trip, we have arranged a special guest star who is a semi local celebrity due to the record she set at the Drake Relays last weekend, and in honor of the relays we will be hitting up an establishment in the Drake area. Suggestions are welcome. We will ride either Wednesday or Thursday depending on weather……

This entry is dedicated to all the teachers who said I wouldn’t amount to nothing, and to all the people that lived above the buildings I was hustling in and called the police on me when I was just trying to make some money to feed my daughter, and to “intrigued and skeptical reader”

NOTE: We have decided to split up our first entry into two pieces, Part I (we are using roman numerals to convey a sense of sophistication and class) which will cover the bike ride, and Part II, which will focus on the establishment and the wings.


Just in time for that last dragging hour of work on Friday….

PART I


Trip 1
Place: Gerri’s Tavern
Mileage on Bikes: 7.99 Miles One Way


So it was that on April 21, 2010 at 5:30 PM Central Standard Time the Ryde or Fly project was actually brought to fruition. As the cloudy and ominous sky lingered over Beaverdale two fearless ladies mounted their cruisers and took it to the streets, this is their story…


Many claimed we would never make for it because of the impending downpour (that didn’t actually come until Friday,)Please Note almost certain doom in the sky...





Other reasons for the hating and discouragement include but are not limited to, the general lack of respect for this project, past general lack of commitment to actually doing things we say we are going to do, and a general attitude of laziness and lethargy on the part of your fearless bloggers that has been exhibited in the past. However, we were not deterred by these pin head skeptics. We knew it was time to ryde.




....Here we are looking like two dbags giving the thumbs up....


The official starting point from here on out will be the intersection of Fagen Drive and Beaver Avenue, known henceforth as Fagen Beaver
1. Because it is hilarious
2. It sounds kind of German
3. It sounds kind of like some vulgar sex position…so as good a place to start as any

…and that is where this begins….

We rode south on Beaver/41st Street until we hit University and found conditions along these sidewalks to be very pleasant, a few people, however seemed to be really super pissed off that we almost ran them and their pets off the sidewalk but whatever, can’t please them all. There is also sort of an incline on 41st Street, which was semi rough to pedal up, but at this point we had little idea this would be only the first of several uphill battles, and I mean that literally, like we were literally battling to get up hills.

Upon reaching University at 40th Street we saddled up for the 70 blocks of eastbound travel. It was truthfully a pretty uneventful ride until we reached the Dogtown area of University around 34th Street where we decided to take a little detour down frat row to see if anyone was interested in yelling vulgar yet ego boosting things to us.

We seemed poised to hit the jackpot when we noticed a group of brothers sitting on the roof of one of the frat houses guzzling brews and throwing the cans into the yard, known in some circles as a “sure thing”… yet after slowly cruising by (ok, twice) not a single brother yelled anything encouraging like “Bangin’ Tits” or like “Come to my hotdog stand” or anything nice like that. Back when I was in college it was sort of understood that frat boys could always be counted upon to shower ladies with vulgar and sexist comments but these gentlemen just minded their own business, which was sort of disheartening, but on we went…

After getting back to University we cruised down to about 16th Street, and it was here that conditions quickly deteriorated. Broken glass was strewn over the weed and dirt/sand covered sidewalks/ smashed down grass paths. Luckily we noticed the DMPD had sent out reinforcements to back us on our journey.



Then we got to Mercy Hospital area where we were faced with the following hill



Which was a fucking bitch to pedal up, but it would come to be much worse on the way home when we had to go up the hill by Mercy

*RED: TRAVEL NOT ADVISED/DEFINITE TERRORIST THREAT*

We barely made it up after nearly dying of cardiac arrest (Thank God we skipped the KFC Double Downs we had considered eating earlier in the week) and rode awhile longer finally crossing into the Streets that were preceded by “East” indicating we were not far from our destination and that we might actually make it….


This was before crossing the River….on the previously mentioned “might as well have been an interstate bridge.” This was by far the most dangerous part of the journey. The sidewalks had more sand than a goddamn beach in Tahiti. Plus, we were riding into oncoming traffic with no guard rails to separate us from the oncoming traffic and it was single file line style wide. As if this wasn’t dangerous enough at the very top of the bridge in the middle we encountered two pedestrians, (nice, thug looking, little guys wearing flat bills and dollar sign chains) that valiantly stepped into the street much to the dismay of the honking and screaming motorists to allow us to pass them, risking their own lives for the sake of journalism and for that we are incredibly grateful.

After the brush with Mick Hart Was Here we were a little concerned but more determined than ever to reach the goal. Once we made it to the famous A&E Cows and it started to lightly drizzle we knew we were home free.



...The Caption for this is eat more chicken in a cow voice...

From here we cruised the last few blocks to East 30th, passing a few notable landmarks on University, first was Ron’s Dawg House, a bar that seems to open at 7am Tuesday-Saturday which seems like my kind of place and maybe a personal challenge to attend to later, and secondly, my favorite liquor store in Des Moines that I have never actually gone to (Last Stop Beverage Shop.) After that we took a right on East 30th ready to close in on the final stretch.

When we got within demilitarized Gerri’s green zone of Baghdad we noticed the gates to fairgrounds were open and this seemed as good a time as any for another detour. This is when I rode my bike with no hands as fast as I could down that wide road in front of the Grandstand





…and nearly broke my fucking neck while my sister/travel partner [S/TP] cracked up and tried to take a picture while laughing like a deranged hyena. Real Funny asshole.

From here we went over to do a special photo in remembrance of a follower who is no longer with us. She was a very special person and we know she is in a better place* and would have loved to be here. This photo is for you girl….





*Note: She isn’t actually dead, she just moved to Denver.


After that we were politely forced from the grounds by a security officer and within a few minutes had arrived at our destination….
GERRI’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please See Part II…

The Woodward and The Bernstein

If you are not too busy retweeting that Jimmy Johns has $1 subs today feel free to read on...

It's official. The 2010 Ryde or Fly Wing campaign has officially launched and the first trip could not have been more of a success. The response and support we have received (Thanks all 15 Twitter followers and 4 facebook comments/mentions)... is uh developing.. More on that later.

We have a lot of work to do today, including updating our credentials as well as other various day to day blog upkeep activities, which in reality are sort of demanding. Anyways on to the project update.

Because we took more photos on the journey than a senior at post prom after three shots of Smirnoff it is going to take a little time to upload them and integrate them into the first "official" trip report, so this is sort of just an update to keep you all up to speed. Ha as if you need to be kept up to speed on a wing eating/bike riding project, anyways you are the one that is reading this not me...

Interestingly enough the first establishment suggestion we received was the place we had decided to visit first. The reasons for choosing this particular establishment are far reaching and numerous but include

1. The opportunity to bike ride 60+ blocks down the sidewalk on University through sidewalk conditions that varied between "favorable" and "riding highly discouraged due to extreme sand coverage and no guard rails separating riders from speeding oncoming traffic on interstatesque bridge"
*To be clear this is not a suicide mission rather a go for broke journalistic endeavor and we had no idea conditions would reach this level of danger.

2. Eat Wings that have been voted Best of Des Moines for 7 years running.


So as you have probably deduced the first stop on the Ryde or Fly wing tour was of course Gerri's Tavern on East 30th Street across from the Fair Grounds. As a precursor to the full detailed report I will just say they did not disappoint and next week's stop has clown shoes to fill.

To close this otherwise informationless update we are starting a segment called "someone who was not on our wing ride" and this week's selection for individual who was not on the ride is...

Vicky Beckham

Vicky's Alibi
1. She was busy not looking at the camera and reading from a note card on Idol Gives Back
2. Her arms and general upper body have been deemed far too skeletal to safely make the journey
3. Following inspection her handlebars displayed no wing sauce residue


so even if you were not lucky enough to be on the ride that is how you know Vicky was not either.

Neither was the President...he was also on Idol Gives Back? But I digress....see you all later this evening for the first official trip posting complete with photos...

Oh one more thing, We were going to "watch our language" but then realized this is the sort of saying that someone who is reading this in English as their second language would have a hard time understanding because when translated literally it makes no sense. We do not want to alienate any potential readers and plus that would be racist journalism, so we will leave you by saying we will try to only use bad words when they are fucking necessary.

Rules, Regulations, and the first time "Fuck" appears on this blog

Good Afternoon soon to be loyal and dedicated Ryde or Fly Blog.com readers,

You do not know what this blog is about because it just started and only myself, my partner, our minor and non existent financial advisement and investment firm, and several people I have told while drinking know this idea exists. So consider yourself lucky that you have stumbled upon this hidden gem. Or just followed a tweet and have a boring day job.

The idea behind this is very simple. I, along with my sister and anyone else who has nothing to do on a yet to be determined night ride our bikes to establishments in Des Moines, Iowa that sell chicken wings. We then eat the chicken wings and rate them based on criteria that will be outlined later in this first and informational post. Then we write about the ride, the wings, and anything else of interest that we see fit. We also allow guest contributors, photos, and video feeds from our journey and encourage wing selling establishments to invite us to put their wings to the test. If your wings suck please do not apply. Or do...

The purpose of this project, known now as Ryde or Fly, is two fold. The first fold is one I believe can be achieved. The second is one that probably can't be, but to all the haters thanks for watching. The goals are as follows.

1. Be selected as an honorary judge for the Wing Ding competition at El Bait Shop based on proven experience and dedication to selection of the finest wings Des Moines, Iowa has to offer.
*Note: The Wing Ding will serve as our final ride and the ultimate end goal of this project.

2. Be able to actually pay for a real web address, sell advertising, make fresh cash, get offered a food network and or travel channel show that allows us to take this project to different cities while being paid, make more fresh cash, retire.

Like I mentioned, goal one seems more plausible. Whatever. Don't be fucking jerks about this because it is just for fun and good times. Ok now on to wing judging criteria.
*Note sorry for all of the official business and rules, rules, rules, in the first post. Our non existent legal team insisted the rules be spelled out before this project gets taken any further so that we will be taken more seriously by our readership. Ha Readership.

Wing Judging Criteria (Completely biased and subject to be changed at any point)
1. General Sauciness of wings
2. Availability of sauce choices (deductions will be made if disgusting and confusing sauce choices are available because this is not a project for fucking Einsteins)
*Note: Buffalo Style sauce is the projected sauce of choice
3. Crispiness of wing skin
4. Satisfactory ratio of Drum to Wing
5. Added consideration will be made to wing establishment owners that provide us with benefits that are yet to be determined as of this time (pending non failure of the project)

Ok that is pretty much everything I can think of. The project starts tonight, April 21st, 2010 at 5:30 PM when we make our first ride to establishment that currently holds the title for Des Moines' Best Wing.

Just a few more things that need to be mentioned regarding the biking aspect...

1. Our bikes are super shitty
2. We are mediocre bike riders
3. We have no safety gear
4. At this point we fully intend on riding on the sidewalk most of the time
5. No rides will be more than 20 miles
6. We will be getting picked up in a truck because riding home is out of the question

Please check back tomorrow for the first official post.

Thanks and enjoy the Ryde.

Ha sorry that is the stupidest fucking tag line ever.