Catalina Wine Fest

Goodday Readers,

Lots to discuss in this Tuesday edition of RorF.
First off we might be on the road to being super famous…but probably not. S/TP and I had our first experience with being the interviewees as opposed to journalists yesterday. It started when we got an email from some lady at myahamoment.com.



She was all like “you guys are funny, come down and get interviewed in our weird mobile trailer” and we were all like “ok”. Now you might be wondering what myahamoment.com has to do with us, bike riding wing bloggers, and it turns out…absolutely nothing. However, it was hilarious to be in a tvish studio though, complete with lights, camera, and making us repeat this tag line like 15 times because we kept goofing it up. It made us feel like regular old Lindsay Lohans. We also got to keep one of those take one, action, snapping things. And we are super into free stuff, regardless of how worthless it is.



We said lots of weirdo things like our heroes are a combination of the great feminist besties Oprah Winfrey and her trusty sidekick Gale King, and explorers Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.

Note: if my name was Meriwether I probably would have taken off across the country on some numbskull camping trip as well

Things we went on an on camera rant about:

1. We are feminists because wing eating is usually reserved for males and we are trying to shatter the poultry ceiling
2. The oil spill has been great for chicken consumption in the Gulf Region so really we should look on the bright side

Needless to say she probably thought we should be committed and was like “Ok, great that’s all we need”

But all of this falls into our new credo which is: We will do ANYTHING for publicity, and we will be getting a copy of the edited professional interview video that we will be sharing with all of you….in four to six weeks…. So look for that.

On to our next publicity stunt/community awareness event: the grand opening of Buffalo Wild Wings on Merle Hay. This was funny because people were camping out overnight to be the first ones inside and be the winners of 6 free wings a week for a year.

We were super intrigued by this because we figured you would have to be a real wing enthusiast to camp out overnight for free wings. As we mentioned we are super into free stuff, however, no amount of wings could really justify us sleeping in a parking lot, so for us on Sunday it was a no.

BUT…we did want to see what kind of people this sort of absurd existence would appeal to. So we put on our official uniforms and headed out to meet the people.

We get there about 7pm on Sunday and some guy was like, “are you guys here to camp?” and we were like “no fucking way”

If we had been we would have been numbers 90 and 91, but we weren’t; we were there to do work. So we interviewed numbers 1-15. They were high school boys from Urbandale



They were trying to hit on S/TP and get her to spend the night in their tent. She probably would have until she saw that one of them brought along this light wing camping read



And we decided anyone out of their mind enough to camp in a parking lot and read about revolutionary Che Guevara is not to be trusted.

The guys said they were going to use the wing coupons (you get a booklet of 52 6 free wing coupons) for UFC fights and the Super bowl…which was all a little too typical for us. We also saw this guy camping for wings



But we didn’t talk to him. We also noticed someone is selling their hard earned wing booklet on Criagslist…which is sort of funny. So anyways that is the story. It was a tent city, just like in the major Broadway musical Rent.



In case you didn’t notice this entry really isn’t about riding bikes and eating wings, it is more about where our biking and wing munching has taken us professionally. So if that is not something you are interested in…..sorry…..but if it makes you feel any better we did actually bike ride to Buffalo Wild Wings last night (Monday) and will be writing up our usual biking/munching log tomorrow. And also if our blog really affects your feelings you should probably get some professional help, or like talk to someone.

But for the record, this is our blog, and we pay the bills, so as usual if you want to hate…fuck off… and not to mention at any time we could totally change the subject of this blog to like The Miley Cyrus Blog ha just kidding, first we would never do that because Miley Cyrus is a clown and secondly we actually sort of love our readers because they seem to be really funny and into fun, just like us. Thanks for reading, see you all tomorrow.

And when I say “see” I actually mean read the entry tomorrow because I have no idea who you are and I can’t see you.

LATER.

The Big Event

Whatup Readers,



Hilarious Chicken Lady eating a Chicken Wing

So as many of you know last weekend was the Mecca of Des Moines wing eating. We here at RofF have been gearing up for this event all summer and when we awoke to a beautiful sunny Saturday we were just pleased as punch….
Despite the bourbon soaked apple induced hangover I was battling (Thanks Goodsons) we knew this was not a day to be a whiny bunch of crybabies. It was a day to be filled with joy. As we previously mentioned we have been half assed trying to get some shirts made, and due to previously mentioned hangover we did not get this accomplished before 5pm…but because we here at RorF are innovators we stepped up our publicity game and wrote on some White Ts with Markers. The shirts were a hit


And we were passing them out to anyone who was willing to wear them. However, not everyone was as keen on promoting us. A few people who refused to wear them

1. Teen Punk Band Modern Day Satire
Excuse: “Wearing that shirt is a corporate sell out”
What the fuck these goons were talking about we have no idea. We are not a corporation. We are non profit grassroots bloggers. Idiot. After listening to the screaming and drum pounding we were glad they were in no way affiliated with our nonexistent corporation

2. Chuck Norris Look Alike
Excuse: “It is too hot to wear sleeves”
Response from our friend Red Planet: “Sir, I am wearing a Jean Jacket and am not hot at all”
Norris Response: “Well if you have an extra large my wife might wear it”



But homeboy saw no problem with wearing a Chicken Hat

People these days...I swear…However, some true fans out there did rock our white Ts and Thanks for that…especially number one fan Chris, Wing Eating Contest Particpant “HORNDOG”, Gossip C, and NaumBomb. And thanks to our friends at Metromix for the free promotional photos…

We also made S/TP participate in the wing eating contest…she sucked…and ate like 3 wings at a leisurely pace while everyone else was straight up caveman style munching. See Norris Below being the perfect example...



Really we just wanted to make sure you all got a good look at Norris

The only female representative…



Now for the wings…

Our homies at Geris brought their own fryer...and were one of the only people to be handing out Ranch dressing, which we regard as a very intregal part of wing munching. The wings were good but not as high of quality as they are when you get them at the original location…which we can’t really hold against them because it is probably hard to make wings in a grass field..but like how the hell are we supposed to know.

Jethros brought a few new flavors to the table, which was appreciated. They also offered the widest variety of saucing options, and they were super meaty and smoked.

Claxtons….TERRIBLE!!! not only were the wings super slimy



but these jokers didn’t even send a representative to the event.

Bostons…We liked the customer service here, and the people working the booth were very enthusiastic...however, not very tasty wings. Once again we think this was sort of hard to judge because these wings were clearly made in a large batch and perhaps just didn’t travel well. We would consider giving them another chance.

One lady was sort of cocky and said “Our Asian Zing is the talk of the town” Which I have no idea what town is talking about Boston’s Asian Zing Wings, but it sure as shit isn’t Des Moines.

Johnny’s, breaded wings...sort of spicy...I personally liked them but they did get some mixed reviews from others, and some of them looked like meatballs…which was weird.



El Bait also breaded…not really much to write home about, we feel about the same for these as we did when we had them at the actual shop.

Buffalo Wild Wings…satisfactory, we do hate on them a little for being a chain, but in reality that isn’t exactly their fault, and the lady that was working there told us some super secret insider information about the new BWW opening on Merle Hay…we can’t tell it to you yet, but look for it in about two weeks. They also had lots of swag like hats and shit which I guess goes along with the territory of being a national chain.



So all in all it was a great success and a totally fun event. It was also great to meet some readers in person.

Oh and due to the fact that we are now sort of blowing up our Mom finally read the blog, and her review of our reviewing skill is as follows

“Well its fine, but I would like to see more pictures and less F words…and put up that picture of Snacks in the chicken hat, people will like that, lots of people love dogs”



So we did…here is our dog, Snacks, wearing a Chicken Hat.

Peace and Chicken Grease Ya’ll…See ya later in the week with our new update…

Wing Ding Amuse Bouche

In the Wise words of Fergie we have to make it work, work, make it work, but later on it that same song she claims she can get you drunk off of lady lumps so she is obviously a dumbshit idiot.

But the point is we are really doing work today in anticipation of Saturday’s Wing Ding and we thought it only proper to give everyone a little preview of the Wing Ding. I mean a real preview, not the watered down Joe Lawler Des Moines Register version of a preview, but the kind of preview where after you read it you are like, “oh now I don’t even have to go because basically I have already experienced it before it even happened” kind of preview, ya dig?
As the great Michael Jackson said, “Please pass the Oxycodone” wait …I mean This is it

So the Wing Ding is one of Des Moines’ premier events (in our opinion.) The previously referenced quasi excuse for a newspaper (QEFN) ha that looks like the word queef….went so far as to call this a “foodie event” but as some commenter pointed out QEFN seems to use the word “foodie” interchangeably with the word “people” and really this is not so much a foodie event as it is a great excuse to get drunk, listen to hippie music, and eat wings kind of event. Not exactly a typical afternoon in the life of any foodies I know i.e. Padma Lakshmi.



The Wing Ding could probably be cited as the beginning of our affair with sauced animal bones, so it holds a very special place in our hearts and we are hoping it lives up to the greatness of last year’s event. There are a few changes this year however. The first change is the venue. Last year it was at El Bait Shop (See Previous Entry) and this year it is at Mullets. We are of the understanding it is the same individuals who own both establishments, and we must mention we thoroughly enjoy Mullets (Review Coming Soon) so the venue switch it seems promising, plus Mullets has a baller upstairs patio that is going to be clutch for throwing wing bones at people..ah just kidding…kind of.

Also new this year is a dunk tank…which is a fucking hilarious apparatus so we are all for that as well. We are hoping we can get Red Planet or Teacher X drunk enough to get in it.

We have officially written up 3 of the 7 participants, so you all are aware of our feelings for them. We are excited to try the other 4, and provide all of you with an in depth analysis that only the experts here at RorF can provide.
We also sort of dropped the ball on making t-shirts, but we have some broke ass ideas in play right now that may or may not pull through so be sure to look for those.

We also wanted to use this opportunity not only to post a photo of our friend Denver G’s breasts but also to provide a warning to all of you as to what can happen if you are not careful at Saturday’s event

So be sure to watch out for that…

This is also an event for Charity, which is nice. However it doesn’t support the official cause of RorF, which is of course Sickle Cell Anemia, but a worthy cause none the less. The final thing that we think is real funny is the tag line “a Cluckin good time” which of course is supposed to be a play on “a Fuckin good time” which is what we are going to be having…can’t wait to see you all there. S/TP said she is going to bring her calligraphy set so she can sign babies and penises. Yes, she does have a calligraphy set, pathetic I know.
See you all Saturday at the...

Chester Culver and Des Moines Politcos

Readers, Readers, Readers.
Where to begin…
First of all, allow me to be the first to apologize for poor blog updating etiquette, and by poor blog updating etiquette I mean being super lazy. However, if you all have been as busy as we have then maybe you didn’t even notice. If you did, get a life. If you didn’t welcome to ours…
As a way of compensating for said laziness you are all getting not one, but two updates today…you are fucking welcome.
First is the review of El Bait Shop. Second is our first annual preview of the second annual Wing Ding. (I like the word annual)
El Bait Shop.
For safety we were going to wear motorcycle helmets…but it was too hot and we looked like douchebags…see exhibit a…and because this game is all about appearance and perception we didn’t




Exhibit A

This was an especially fitting place to review this week because it was the location of last year’s first annual Des Moines Wing Ding, (not to be confused with that dick weed motorcycle parade that happened last weekend)
This summer we have gotten more rain than them hoes so pretty much every bike trail (aka the only bike trail we know, Ashworth) is under water. So we started our ride at the top of the Ashworth trail, S/TP works at the pool…so does Teacher X…
Everyone was all like you are not going to be able to get through blah blah blah but S/TP and I were like fuck off we do what we want, whats a little water to a g, plus I took scuba diving in college.
We didn’t get through. Our socks and shoes just got totally soaked



So we had to go all the way back up to Grand. As we are pedaling along leaving a trail of disgusting smelling water we get the brilliant idea to ask if the honorable governor Chester Culver aka CHET wants to join us. We got this idea because we were riding right by his house (Terrace Hill) and we had not broken a single law yet on the ride. When we saw the no trespassing sign and the abandoned State Trooper car we knew this was the opportunity.
So we ride up to Chester’s front door. And we wait/pose.




Then out of some speakers comes
“Can I help you” and we are like “Can Chester come out and play?” and the voice is like “Please leave the property now”.” I swear politicians these days are no fun, I am sure if Bill Clinton lived at Terrace Hill he would have been like “Let me put out this cigar and grab my bike pretty ladies.”
But He doesn’t so off we went to downtown ridin’ solo.
This was the opportunity for a little trick riding on that windy black wall apparatus outside of Meredith



This was also an opportunity to almost get hit by a train while trying to flatten an Abraham Lincoln
Then we arrived



Now El Bait Shop has some awfully funny ideas for wing sauce. As many of you know, we are very touchy when it comes to weirdness. However, we are also accepting of wing sauces that are not as popular as the jock and cheerleaderesque traditional buffalo sauce. If Gerris is the Prom Court El Bait Shop is home to the Drama club and Band Members of the Wing Sauce social hierarchy.
We got Teriyaki and Mexican because we are trying to include everyone…even the weirdoes who read Japanese Anime…




These were our first foray into breaded wings. We both agreed these were more like mini versions of fried chicken. This sparked our debate on what really makes a wing, and we have come to the conclusion that real wings don’t need breading. Real wings will go out in a snowstorm without a parka. Real wings are circumcised. You get the point.

So these were pretty good, but we have decided to add a new category and that is the Fried Chicken Wannabe category. And that is where these wings have landed. Ha.
But they were still good, despite the odd sauce combinations and unnecessary padding. These wings would be sort of like if Pamela Anderson wore a wonder bra…


6 Flies
Super bike friendly, Great Patio, Bad Service. Our trifecta of greatness ambiance wise.

Feel free to follow us on twitter as well @rydeorfly

A Black Fly in your Chardonnay

In honor of the series finale of Lost last night (and the fact that I have been considering going to a hot Yoga class)

Namaste Readers,

Alright, token attempt at cultural equality complete, now down to business. The past few weeks have been very crazy with S/TP graduating from high school, and rain every day the week before prohibiting us from embarking upon a mission, but we are back in action now and will hopefully be uninhibited for the remainder of the summer….hopefully…

Despite all of stupid graduation related shit S/TP had to do last week we did manage to fit in a trip to Wellman’s on Ingersoll (we have to clarify the location because the new Wellman’s opened in West Glen this weekend.)



This trip was unique from the biking standpoint because we have just been dying (haha) to try out the new bike lanes on Ingersoll. Despite the fact that we would consider ourselves champions of reckless urban bike riding even we cannot condone this death trap.

We had reservations about speeding down a fairly main street in Des Moines in a half lane dedicated solely to bikers and full of dashed lines, but we know that as journalists we must take risks, and stay up to the minute with urban/environmental development.

We must also mention we dislike this stupid sudden infatuation all you faux hippies have with “going green”, so much so that sometimes I even ask them to triple up on the plastic sacks at Dahls, and am excited tons of oil is leaking into the Gulf. So, any attempt to make less room for our non fuel efficient clunker worthy status SUV is going to be met with some resistance from us here at RorF… and just kidding about the oil thing that is actually fucking terrible and we do recycle and bring our own green bags….geeze

Politics aside…the Bike Lanes



S/TP was almost certain this would be the last photo of her ever taken; she then proceeded to ask if I would make sure she was buried in her graduation gown. I told her no because then we would not get the deposit back. Tassel burial only. She lived.



But was nail biting the whole time...

We started at 42nd and Ingersoll to get the full bike lane experience. It was mainly a scary experience. We had no idea what any of the markings meant, S/TP insisted on saying a Hail Mary every time the lines were dashed, and we had to stop at red lights right next to cars looking like true assholes. Actually, the stopping next to cars at red lights was sort of fun and funny because we could really creep in on people. We tried to take a picture but we never had enough time to remove photo machine from supply pack.

Then we got to Wellman’s. We decided not to go on their Thursday $5 and two beer minimum all you can eat wing night because we tend to agree that sometimes wings mass produced for the all-you-can-eat crowd tend to be a little lower in quality then if you were to go at say Wednesday at 3pm.

So we ordered two orders of wings, one hot and one regular. They also offered a BBQ and a teriyaki option which we did not choose. We sat on the patio, which, as we have previously mentioned, adds fly consideration to any establishment because eating wings outside is just a great treat. Plus the weather is just starting to get magnificent. Ha magnificent.



The wings however were really not that great of a treat.

The Bad

1. They had a very rubbery skin, which is probably one of our least favorite wing elements. Not crispy at all. It really brought to mind the image of the rubber chicken
2. The size of the wings. The drums would have been matched nicely if the Bud Light was served in thimbles. They were that small. I could type up like hundreds of jokes and metaphors about small things but I will spare you all.


The “We Can’t Agree”

1. The sauce. This was a huge point of disagreement between S/TP and I. I think I only liked the sauce because it was pretty much just Frank’s Red Hot (which I Love) with butter, vinegar, and red pepper flakes. The only difference between the hot and the regular was the presence of the red pepper flakes. S/TP said if this was the first time she had ever had wings she would never have them again. We then thanked the Holy Golden Girls in Heaven this had not been the course her life had taken.

In reality these were pretty much just average wings you could get at any bar in America with a fryer, a frozen appetizer sales representative, and some hot sauce. I didn’t hate them, S/TP did, but she is just a dumb kid who hasn’t been to college yet….

Some good things about this trip

1. Patio
2. Good Ratio of drums to wings
3. Cold Bud Lights
4. The lady sitting behind us who was clearly meeting someone for what we think was a date. While waiting she slugged a beer super quickly, then he arrived and ordered two…LONG ISLAND ICE TEAS…..which is funny in itself and she pounded that, then had one more brew, looked at her watch and goes to the guy “Wow I really need to leave to go pick up my daughter at Girl Scouts”

We openly cracked up for about 3 minute as we watched her speed away from the baffled date/associate and we hope that this was a line of the “I need to go feed my cat” variety and that she wasn’t really going to pick up her child after pounding three cocktails at 3 pm…but to each their own I guess.

Speaking of reckless drinking habits and kids, our friend Teacher X met us to weigh in and she said that the wings were not of high enough quality to qualify as an “after school snack”….which apparently teachers are entitled to and have certain quality requirements… who the fuck knows? She does teach in a Des Moines Suburb that will remain unnamed (but just know it sucks) so her opinion must also be regarded with a drop of hot sauce as they say.



Teacher X Giving a Thumbs Down

Verdict:

Five Flies



To End we will quote our wise Uncle F who said “I am all for the bike lanes on Ingersoll, as long as I am in a car.”

See you next week….we are thinking Hooters because we hear as far as a national chains go they have the breast wings…wow sorry.

Barenaked Ladies Lyric Regarding Chinese Chicken

Place: Jethros
Miles 1.96

Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me your ears….Actually we are not here to bury Caesar. We are here to talk about wings and bike riding, a task far more noble and meaningful than giving a Eulogy. So as they say in France…read on or fuck off.*

So Tuesday’s operation was Jethros, a place we are not unfamiliar with. We have liked this place since it opened because sometimes when you go there you can pretend like you are still in college. They also have a bike rack, which made the bike riding journalistic demographic feel welcome.



We received several reader recommendations to attend the wing consumption gala that occurs every Tuesday at Jethros and when we walked in we found that in addition to the satisfaction of random customers, they also have been given a prestigious runner-up accolade.



Because we currently have no accolades to award (our at home desktop printer is broken) we consider any recognition to be prestigious, but seriously Cityview could you not even splurge for award worthy looking stationary…

Anyways, we were simply overwhelmed with the amount of people that were just straight up wing munching. It was sort of a thing of beauty. People were having so much fun sucking on saucy chicken bones it was just a remarkable and fantastic sight. They are getting extra consideration for this in the awarding of the flies. Wings are two for one on Tuesdays, so if you want to be in the company of other deal seeking, carnivorous, Des Moinesians Tuesdays at Jethros is your place.

So we sit down and a table of guys next to us has just been presented with an enormous platter of wings. We are wary of the diversity of wing sauce choices and these gentlemen seem to be recurring/knowledgeable customers and one guy looks like Roseanne Barr. I tell S/TP to ask them what flavors they have ordered and if they have any recommendations for us infantile Jethro’s wing munchers.

She obliges, but they seem to be ignoring us, and then one guy puts up his finger to his lips in like the “be quiet” position and we are super baffled. Then we realize they are quite literally saying a prayer and blessing their wings. This is both hilarious and reverent and takes wing appreciation to a whole new level. S/TP bows her head and folds her hands in some crazy knee jerk reaction to the whole situation. Hilarity ensues for the entirety of the minute plus wing blessing. Then they tell us they got hot barbecue. We almost need to request a seat rearrangement because we cannot keep it together.


So we decide to order 20 wings in 4 different flavors.

1. Obviously, traditional buffalo
2. In honor of the right wing...ha. religious fanatics we get the hot barbecue
3. To be sort of forward thinking out of the box liberals we get Parmesan Garlic
4. At the recommendation of our server we get the spiced rub, which any of Jethros signature sauces can be applied to.



The wings are super meaty and have a great signature smoked meat taste complete with crispy/black smoked chicken skin, which is really a nice treat. The ratio of wings to drums is on point.
Our favorite of the sauces is the hot barbecue, but we decide that this is sort of more like eating barbecue chicken than wings.
The traditional buffalo are sort of under sauced for a devotee of saucy mediums and there is just not quite enough heat.
The Parmesan garlic turns out to be simply too liberal of an application to be really considered wings, plus the sauce was a weird and unappealing color and consistency too reminiscent of a certain Friday night/Saturday Morning gone bad for our personal liking. And to think I am single...

Finally, the rub was the total standout in terms of deliciousiocity. Of the bunch this is the wing that will be receiving our broke ass accolade if we ever get our printer fixed…

We were very curious as to the process of how these wings were made and our very friendly (yet obviously weirded out by our analytical wing discussion/photo essay) waitress tells us that they are smoked for 2 hours in the morning, then chilled all day, then deep fried and sauced with their sauce mates (this explains the disparity in sauce application between the different flavors). Ha Sauce mates. You can also drink beer out of a jar like Huckleberry Finn used to probably do.



And that is cool.

So taking into consideration all of the above they are getting 7 Flies

As for the bike ride…

After all the positive feedback regarding my no hands move a few weeks ago S/TP and I decided we should sort of expand the repertoire of Evil Knievelness to keep readers on edge (a literary device). I am the obvious candidate for this undertaking because S/TP major sucks at bike riding and is seriously lucky we have made it this far without severe bodily harm. So, for all of you, I created a new move. It is called the speeding bullet



As you can see you sort of just go into Lance Armstrong position on really any steep hill and speed down. That is the move.

We also saw a lady laying in her front yard measuring blades of grass with a ruler and a woman who was blowing a leaf blower at a fairly small child while he was dancing and some other lunatic was videotaping the whole thing on an Iphone. Those were the main highlights of the ride. People can seriously be so disturbing.

But we still had a bitchin time…



*I actually never heard anyone say anything like that when I was in France

See you all next week.

If you are reading this Justin, I just want you to know how much "Lonely Girl" means to me...

First off Thanks to everyone who has been reading, retweeting, and hanging out with me because I am now an acclaimed blogger. I thought for sure people stopped paying attention to me online after I hinted that I would consider Justin Bieber a consenting adult if the situation ever presented itself (June 30th, 2010) but boy was I wrong.

Turns out writing about bike riding and eating chicken wings can almost get you laid on a Friday night. I am not joking. So thanks for that.

So the destination for Week Two of RorF (A nice abbreviation submitted by a reader) was Woody’s Smoke Shack located on Cottage Grove near Drake



Miles: 2.37

Wing blog writing is sort of like Lady Gaga. You have to take the good with the bad, as the following visual aid will substantiate

Lady Gaga
Good: Dancing to Poker face when you are ankle grabbing after half a bottle of Patron
Bad: Pretty much everything else

Wing Blog Writing
Good: Last week’s experience
Bad: This week’s experience

I hope that helped.

So, this is hard for several reasons. They are: I love the Ribs at Woodys, they are hands down the best in town, the place is super cute, and you can dine al fresco at picnic tables. However, this is not a rib and ambiance blog…

It is a wing blog and that is what must be reviewed, which is why this was such an ultimate failure. You see readers; the thing about being a journalist is you need to report the truth no matter how many lives you ruin, or people you leave dead and bloodied in the streets just to make a name for yourself. So here it is….

Woody’s only offers wings on Thursday nights. They are the special. They ran out. At 6:30. We got there at 6:31. Turns out it was not so special. The End.

To add insult to injury the guy in front of us got the last batch, even after explaining that we were JOURNALISTS doing a PIECE we received absolutely no respect or explanation, except for a half assed “Uh Sorry” from the guy that is the presumed owner/proprietor of this establishment who was also wearing a really goofy fucking beanie/beret hat that was doubly annoying after no wings were available.

I guess in defense of Woody’s the wings did look pretty good. They were the right color, they only offer one sauce, and they had the smell of being spicy. That was all we could glean from repeatedly walking by and creeping around the table of the guy who actually got to eat the wings.

BUT we cannot recommend somewhere for wing consumption when there are no wings available to be consumed. Once again, sorry, but…

ZERO FLIES

We did consider going back and giving them another try, but this idea has been vetoed due to the abundance of other locales that offer wings and presumably have them available for consumption during all of their normal business hours, as opposed to during 1 business hour.

As for the ride, this was a much shorter and easier undertaking than last weeks brush with Tour de Franceness, but like the lack of wings it was also a bit of a disappointment. Woody’s is BYOB so I made S/TP ride the whole way with 12 Bud Light Tallboys in her backpack.

A little about S/TP. She is a senior in high school, and she doesn’t drink because it “makes her dizzy” so she was complaining like a little schoolgirl the whole way. Example:
“What in the hell kind of prom diet involves riding a bike uphill with 12 tallboys in my school backpack?” and I reminded her “A Genius one”

Her idea of bringing your own beverage involves filling a used water bottle with Blue and Cherry Icee



You might be wondering why two adventurers would bring 12 extra large beers when only one adventurer enjoys drinking, and the answer would be.”Shut the hell up and worry about yourself.”

And also the sky got super dark and it started pouring rain…

So that pretty much sums it up. Not every ride can be a great one I guess, and this one just seems to be our Gigli. We appreciate you sticking with us, and will see you next week. We are going to Jethros.

In the Arms of The Angel

We had to do two individual photos because we are our only friends following a recent obsession with blogging and “our heads getting too big”….


Well the main point of this venture is wing eating, which has been overlooked until this point. Sorry. So here goes….

First a little about our background with Gerri’s… we first discovered Gerri’s about a year ago last summer at the original Wing Ding at El Bait Shop on one of those Saturdays that starts at Prairie Meadows at 10am….

It was on this day we fell in love with Gerri’s and the idea that perhaps Des Moines really might be a contender for local wing superiority. We have been going there approximately once a month for the past year (excluding of course the occasional month where I consider going on a diet),usually on a Monday or Tuesday, when the special is 5 pounds of wings and a pitcher of Bud Light for $20, a great steal especially with Greece being rated as a junk bond….

This was a really mutually beneficial arrangement and it could very well have continued but then Ryde or Fly was born. So, being that the Gerri’s wing is what started this all it seemed especially fitting for the first trip

After arriving we stored our hogs in the front entryway



And no one seemed to mind.

So we headed to the bar and were immediately greeted by Brian. We have met Brian before but never really get to talk to him much because it is usually way busier (we went on a Wednesday for RorF.) We ordered 2 orders of wings and filled him in on our project. He was intrigued and shared a few Gerri’s secrets with us. We will share them with you

1. Only two people have the sauce recipe
2. They are the mother-daughter team that owns Gerri’s
3. Neither one of them is named Gerri, but we can’t remember the names…
4. The sauce is homemade at their home and brought to the bar so no one can even see the ingredients
5. There is a copy of the recipe locked up only to be used in the most unfortunate of circumstances.





Now for the judging…

1. Sauciness: These wings are thoroughly covered in a delicious, yet not too spicy sauce. Brian told us it is the sauce that makes these wings great, and he is right. We all agreed on our love for spicy things, yet hate it when it is just too hot to enjoy. This sauce is the perfect balance of spice and taste. They also posses that perfect wing sauce color that I have yet to see on any other food (and don’t think I would want to.)



2. Sauce Choice: Gerri’s has only one choice, the original. If you like traditional buffalo style hot wings this will be a really fulfilling choice for you. If you do not, then kindly leave this site.


3. Crispiness: Another area Gerri’s really excels in. Each batch is made individually in the fryer giving ample time for each wing to achieve a satisfactory level of crunchy skin. This is really an important element for wing enjoyability, yet does take time. If you are in a hurry this is something to consider, but, if you are wing eating you probably shouldn’t be in a hurry. Just sayin.

4. Ratio: Brian informed us each individual order comes with 10 wings, yet they are considering upping it to 12. We, however each received 11 wings, in my case 5 drums and 6 wings, in the case of S/TP 6 wings and 5 drums. Perfect balance.


5. Special Considerations: The fact that Brian talked to us for so long and told us tons of secrets was kind of cool and deserves special consideration, and the fact that we got a total of two free wings should also be noted. Also the ambiance of Gerri’s is unparalleled. The mix of little leaguers after a baseball game with a guy who was hammered drunk at 6pm was really inspiring, and one lady told S/TP that she liked her hair, which was nice. Finally, a table of two cute guys were also interested in our blog and told us they sometimes ride their bikes to a place on Merle Hay that offers free cheeseburgers, which was sort of extraordinary that other people do as weird of things as we do.

In conclusion Gerri’s has delicious wings. Nothing about our experience could have made it any better.



They are receiving 10 out of 10 Flies

As for the next trip, we have arranged a special guest star who is a semi local celebrity due to the record she set at the Drake Relays last weekend, and in honor of the relays we will be hitting up an establishment in the Drake area. Suggestions are welcome. We will ride either Wednesday or Thursday depending on weather……

This entry is dedicated to all the teachers who said I wouldn’t amount to nothing, and to all the people that lived above the buildings I was hustling in and called the police on me when I was just trying to make some money to feed my daughter, and to “intrigued and skeptical reader”

NOTE: We have decided to split up our first entry into two pieces, Part I (we are using roman numerals to convey a sense of sophistication and class) which will cover the bike ride, and Part II, which will focus on the establishment and the wings.


Just in time for that last dragging hour of work on Friday….

PART I


Trip 1
Place: Gerri’s Tavern
Mileage on Bikes: 7.99 Miles One Way


So it was that on April 21, 2010 at 5:30 PM Central Standard Time the Ryde or Fly project was actually brought to fruition. As the cloudy and ominous sky lingered over Beaverdale two fearless ladies mounted their cruisers and took it to the streets, this is their story…


Many claimed we would never make for it because of the impending downpour (that didn’t actually come until Friday,)Please Note almost certain doom in the sky...





Other reasons for the hating and discouragement include but are not limited to, the general lack of respect for this project, past general lack of commitment to actually doing things we say we are going to do, and a general attitude of laziness and lethargy on the part of your fearless bloggers that has been exhibited in the past. However, we were not deterred by these pin head skeptics. We knew it was time to ryde.




....Here we are looking like two dbags giving the thumbs up....


The official starting point from here on out will be the intersection of Fagen Drive and Beaver Avenue, known henceforth as Fagen Beaver
1. Because it is hilarious
2. It sounds kind of German
3. It sounds kind of like some vulgar sex position…so as good a place to start as any

…and that is where this begins….

We rode south on Beaver/41st Street until we hit University and found conditions along these sidewalks to be very pleasant, a few people, however seemed to be really super pissed off that we almost ran them and their pets off the sidewalk but whatever, can’t please them all. There is also sort of an incline on 41st Street, which was semi rough to pedal up, but at this point we had little idea this would be only the first of several uphill battles, and I mean that literally, like we were literally battling to get up hills.

Upon reaching University at 40th Street we saddled up for the 70 blocks of eastbound travel. It was truthfully a pretty uneventful ride until we reached the Dogtown area of University around 34th Street where we decided to take a little detour down frat row to see if anyone was interested in yelling vulgar yet ego boosting things to us.

We seemed poised to hit the jackpot when we noticed a group of brothers sitting on the roof of one of the frat houses guzzling brews and throwing the cans into the yard, known in some circles as a “sure thing”… yet after slowly cruising by (ok, twice) not a single brother yelled anything encouraging like “Bangin’ Tits” or like “Come to my hotdog stand” or anything nice like that. Back when I was in college it was sort of understood that frat boys could always be counted upon to shower ladies with vulgar and sexist comments but these gentlemen just minded their own business, which was sort of disheartening, but on we went…

After getting back to University we cruised down to about 16th Street, and it was here that conditions quickly deteriorated. Broken glass was strewn over the weed and dirt/sand covered sidewalks/ smashed down grass paths. Luckily we noticed the DMPD had sent out reinforcements to back us on our journey.



Then we got to Mercy Hospital area where we were faced with the following hill



Which was a fucking bitch to pedal up, but it would come to be much worse on the way home when we had to go up the hill by Mercy

*RED: TRAVEL NOT ADVISED/DEFINITE TERRORIST THREAT*

We barely made it up after nearly dying of cardiac arrest (Thank God we skipped the KFC Double Downs we had considered eating earlier in the week) and rode awhile longer finally crossing into the Streets that were preceded by “East” indicating we were not far from our destination and that we might actually make it….


This was before crossing the River….on the previously mentioned “might as well have been an interstate bridge.” This was by far the most dangerous part of the journey. The sidewalks had more sand than a goddamn beach in Tahiti. Plus, we were riding into oncoming traffic with no guard rails to separate us from the oncoming traffic and it was single file line style wide. As if this wasn’t dangerous enough at the very top of the bridge in the middle we encountered two pedestrians, (nice, thug looking, little guys wearing flat bills and dollar sign chains) that valiantly stepped into the street much to the dismay of the honking and screaming motorists to allow us to pass them, risking their own lives for the sake of journalism and for that we are incredibly grateful.

After the brush with Mick Hart Was Here we were a little concerned but more determined than ever to reach the goal. Once we made it to the famous A&E Cows and it started to lightly drizzle we knew we were home free.



...The Caption for this is eat more chicken in a cow voice...

From here we cruised the last few blocks to East 30th, passing a few notable landmarks on University, first was Ron’s Dawg House, a bar that seems to open at 7am Tuesday-Saturday which seems like my kind of place and maybe a personal challenge to attend to later, and secondly, my favorite liquor store in Des Moines that I have never actually gone to (Last Stop Beverage Shop.) After that we took a right on East 30th ready to close in on the final stretch.

When we got within demilitarized Gerri’s green zone of Baghdad we noticed the gates to fairgrounds were open and this seemed as good a time as any for another detour. This is when I rode my bike with no hands as fast as I could down that wide road in front of the Grandstand





…and nearly broke my fucking neck while my sister/travel partner [S/TP] cracked up and tried to take a picture while laughing like a deranged hyena. Real Funny asshole.

From here we went over to do a special photo in remembrance of a follower who is no longer with us. She was a very special person and we know she is in a better place* and would have loved to be here. This photo is for you girl….





*Note: She isn’t actually dead, she just moved to Denver.


After that we were politely forced from the grounds by a security officer and within a few minutes had arrived at our destination….
GERRI’S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please See Part II…